It is a good thing I came with my dad on that 2017 Anxiety Conference for people with testicular cancer. I learned something in that conference that I think no layman person can explain to my dad or to me. He survived testicular cancer in 2017, and he has been cancer-free for years now. What was difficult for him over the years, which was much more challenging to overcome than cancer, was his mind. He was plagued by “cancer of the mind,” as I call it back then. Oh, yes. He had anxiety. And who would not be anxious? He had cancer!
I am talking about this now because I am indeed my father’s son. It was discovered a few months ago that I, too, have cancer of the testicle. It has been found in the earliest stages, and for that, I should feel blessed. I also know that 95% of men diagnosed with testicular cancer survive it for the next five years after the diagnosis. And we found out about mine on the first stage. I should be jumping for joy. But I am not. I now have that “cancer of the mind,” and it is terrible. This anxiety is killing me slowly.
It is tough to sleep at night. In truth, I cannot rest. I am disturbed with the thought that cancer will kill me as I slumber. I know it is absurd. It cannot possibly happen, but that is how anxiety is for those who have fear. The mind will do all sorts of riot, and there is a war inside that teeny tiny brain of mine. “You will die tonight, Randolph. Cancer will eat your whole body. It is in your stomach now. You just do not know – it has reached your internal organs. The cancer is taking you away from your kids.”
My father saw that I needed mental health help. He understood what it is like to have that overwhelming fear while dealing with cancer. And so, he brought me to his specialist while I regained my strength, remembering the conference years ago during my sessions.